fnokd!

Parker Brothers has decided to “get with the times” and get rid of Monopoly(tm) Money in favour of Monopoly(tm) debit cards. This seems like a horribly bad idea, along the lines of New Coke. I imagine in six months, after general outcry, Parker will return bearing Monopoly(tm) Classic(tm), with real Monopoly(tm) Money.

I find the entire premise of modernizing the game to be off the mark. Is the fact that kids these days don’t understand cash really what has contributed to the decline of “game night” in American families? “If only this simple board-game had a battery-powered keypad…” my wife said to me just the other night, while playing a game of chess.

Honestly, we’re talking about Monopoly(tm), the game who still has Rich Uncle Pennybags as its mascot. The kids these days don’t understand a five dollar bill, but they’re down with the top hat and handle-bar mustache of the rich, white, oppressive, capitalist male?  Really? Maybe they should just put the mustache on top of his head, instead of the hat, and rename the game to Trump(tm).

I appreciate capitalism, and that Parker Brothers needs to make a dime (or have their account credited in some fashion), so they are attempting to adjust to the market. But man, you’re screwing with a classic, something that needs no screwing with. If you want to capture a slice of the market, don’t go zorking about changing things on something close to everyone’s youth. Go invent a new game for the youth of today. Leave us with our Monopoly(tm), our 6-1/2oz Cokes in a glass bottles, and stop mucking things about.

Of course, we’ll all learn in a few years that the whole event was just a sham while they changed the recipe for the dice, removing sugar and replacing it with high fructose corn syrup. It’s just a part of the conspiracy.